Somewhat Damaged.

And now I come back to the opening of my heart, somewhat battered from a lot of emotional drama that i've been keeping inside of me, and it will stay that way until i decide to open it up.  i love paradoxes. 

Somewhere there is some wretched soul living in a life of pure bliss, but I feel that they must be the most ignorant person that could have lived. unhinged somehow, living a life we all dream of. The most hated person to have lived, yet we give him all the worship in the world.

i think i'm judged for what i say, not what i think, or what i do. Except judged on that bad parts, the Somewhat Damaged parts of me. But Excuse the hedonism, i'm a self proclaimed hedonist, and i will probably spend my days as one, until i can't. at which point i will collapse inwards.

As my love of Aestheticism grows, i find it harder and harder to love. the deeper it goes, the further away grows my heart. Oh, my old loves, i wish they had never left. maybe i would still feel as i once did, but i feel i am part of a story that hasn't yet finished, where your the Queen and i'm the King. whoever the Queen is, let me know soonish... i want this horrible sagging to end, to feel like i'm more than material values once again. 

and there opens my heart.

Contradictory somewhat?

and a little different to what i usually post.

this is usually journal material.